Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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