he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
