I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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