i permit you to call me
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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