If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
