so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
