I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
