He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
