this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
