Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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