I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize