omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
honey bunches of taint.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
