So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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