i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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