none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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