I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
