I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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