i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
sarcasm needs its own font
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
