Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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