these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
