How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
COCAINE IS GR8
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
