I'm really into asian looking animals
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
