That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
3 2 1 whiskey
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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