My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
