i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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