She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
