You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
