I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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