I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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