My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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