She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize