Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
