Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
