i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
