If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
