i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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