I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
