at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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