also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
