brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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