Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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