im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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