3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
