i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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