Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
