I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just cropdusted the office
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
