Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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