No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
