I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
