My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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