But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
