If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
