i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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