He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
