I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
