Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
