i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
