He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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