You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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