if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
