At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
