Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
