Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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