He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
